Because of the sensitive nature of these issues I will attempt to be as clear and as plain as I can be. I also pray that it is read in the same clear way with a healthy dose of the Spirit for support. It is not my intention to call anyone out because these issues have so pervaded our society that we no longer recognize them for what they are. Because of this widespread disease it is likely that most if not all of our brothers and sisters are afflicted in some way. I also do not want to seem self righteous because much of what I speak about I only know because of first hand experience and only through the tender mercies of the Lord have I been able to have some small awareness of what I speak. I hope that this will be educational and thought provoking and will help us to feel and be better.
With that lengthy introduction finished I want to turn to the issue at hand. The title of this is "Pornographic Lies" which even at the outset provokes powerful emotions and reactions. Those who are reading this may think that I am speaking only of what lies are told in pornographic films, stories and magazines, but that is not the issue. Pornography users are confronted with and perpetuate so many lies that there have been books upon books written about these people and their lies. What I intend to expose are the lies that have filtered from pornography into the mainstream media and so into our homes and minds. While these issues have been the subject of studies and addresses by Apostles, I have very rarely seen them linked back to their source: pornography and the sexual revolution.
Pornography in its current form has been around only since the early part of the 20th century. However we can see evidence of the same mentality in ancient Greek and Roman society as well. Seeing how widespread it is today, I doubt that it was anciently limited to those societies either. However, never before has pornography been so widespread, available and realistic as it is now. This allows us to look at the changes in societal norms in the last 40 years in a different light than we otherwise would have.
I want to mention that pornography is not the only cause of the loosening of societies morals. The sexual revolution, brought about largely by Freudian psychologists has also been incredibly significant in perpetuating the lies that I seek to address. However, when viewed by their connection to pornography, it helps to paint a clear picture of where these actions and viewpoints fall on the morality scale.
The first lie that is being perpetuated is that women are objects used for sex. This lie has several sub-lies that are also prevalent. These are that women's bodies have to look a certain way and that a woman's value comes from how much she looks like this pornstar ideal. The tragic part of this lie is that even as women have become liberated in the political, educational and vocational worlds, they have become more enslaved. Some may question my logic. They would say that women are actually more free in the sexual arena because of birth control and the power that they wield in how, when and where sex happens. While this may be true, I argue that the pressures on women to conform to a certain body-type, look, make up style, hairdo or wardrobe have never been greater. Even as women become more free in other areas, they are being constrained by social pressures to be like porn icons.
The women with the most value in society are not those who have the best ideas, or who are the best leaders. They are those who most closely fit to this fictional standard that has been invented by pornography producers. This obsession with looks has led women of all classes, backgrounds and religions into mutilating and desecrating their divine bodies in order to fit this standard. There is so much nipping and tucking and implanting and suctioning that it is difficult to know who is real and who is fake anymore. The devastating thing is that women are going through painful and dangerous surgeries, becoming Anorexic or Bulemic or spending hours and hours at the gym or in front of the mirror in order to meet a standard of beauty that isn't even real! If you have ever seen a tabloid with a picture of a hollywood sex icon without her make-up you will know what I am talking about when I say it isn't real. The women portrayed so glamorously in the media are airbrushed and done up. They have hair extensions or wigs and 20 lbs of make-up to make them look the way they look. And then the films and pictures are edited and touched up some more to make them look "perfect." How can a single woman hope to make herself look the way that 20+ people made her Hollywood hero look?
When talking about this, I often hear women say "well I do this for me so I can feel more confident. It's not for a man or for anybody else, it's for me." I feel like weeping for these women. Do you understand that you are saying that your confidence lies in such a fleeting and superficial standard? What happens if in 20 years what is considered "fat" now is considered "sexy?" All of that money and energy will have been wasted pursuing a state of "perfection" that doesn't exist! How does conforming to this ideal make you more confident? When you do something for yourself and only for yourself then it is almost always not visible to others. What are you more confident in? That when your husband looks at you, he will see more of what Hollywood tells him to expect? That when you show your body off in public that you won't have to feel self conscious because it looks like the swimsuit or Victoria's Secret models that everybody has already seen? How can looking any certain way make you feel more confident? True confidence comes from knowing who you are, where you are going, and the worth that you have in terms of the good that you can do and the people who love you. The only worth that comes from looking like a porn star is that you can now be used as an object of lust instead of seen as a daughter of God. Elder Holland pleaded with the young women of the church not to be sucked into this trap in a talk titled "To Young Women," and I post it here because I think he says things much better than I could. I would hope that any parent of daughters or woman who is a daughter would read this. http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2005/10/to-young-women?lang=eng
There are certain practices that have also perpetuated this objectifying of women as sexual figures. One of the most commonly defended one is the wearing of lingerie. I don't mean to sound puritanical, but if the wearing of lingerie is not to make women look more like the perfect sex object then what is it for? Once again I hear the confidence argument. Why does this dressing up in a certain way to cover some things and reveal others make you feel more confident? Once again because it allows you to feel that you are closer to this fictional ideal.
I turn for a moment from speaking to women, to speaking to men. I just want to put some hypothetical questions out there and see if you can come to the same conclusions that I have. Can you see Heavenly Father asking His wife to wear lingerie for Him? Can you see Him thinking negatively about His wife if she were too small in one area or too large in another? Can you see Him paying for His wife to get unnecessary cosmetic surgery? Can you see Him viewing His wife in any way that demeans her eternal role as mother and wife?
The precious women in our lives are looking everywhere for some sense that how they are is adequate. They are searching for a confirmation that they are acceptable to society and especially to us. If we believe that they should look and act in a way that is more representative of a porn star than a celestial mother, then perhaps we should change our belief system. We must step away from this fictional ideal created by the porn industry and turn to the Eternal reality of the divine nature and eternal potential of these women.
The other tragedy that is perpetuated by the idea that women are sex objects is that intimate moments between husband and wife are being contaminated by the insatiable desire for physical pleasure. Certainly relations between husband and wife are pleasurably, and rightly so. However, if we participate in or promote any act that demeans unity, dignity and relationship for greater physical pleasure, I believe that we are well outside the intent of the Lord. I have often heard of women performing their sexual "duty." "I just want to keep him happy," is something that I have heard thrown around as if the only value in being intimate with each other is the man's physical pleasure. If a woman is no more than an object to satisfy a man's lust, then why would pornography or masturbation or any other vice be bad? How would one object be worse than another? The answer is that God never intended sex to be between a person and an object. This holy and sanctifying act is between two people in a unifying and glorious way that is quite different than the mere satisfaction of a physical urge. When we focus on the physical we are looking to Hollywood and by extension pornography for our sexual health instead of to our Father who loves us.
The final lie is that sex is the most important part of life. There are no romance movies anymore without sex. In fact, there are very very few action movies that don't have sex. Sex in some form is in every other commercial, TV show, magazine or website. We are bombarded daily with sexual messages that were devised in the deepest parts of Hell in order to break apart our families and cause us to worship something other than our Father. We are told every day that sex is incredibly important. And while it is important, it is not THAT important. Imagine if one spouse was involved in a terrible accident that rendered him/her paralyzed? Wouldn't we condemn the other spouse who left him/her because they couldn't have sex? Wouldn't that be revolting to us? If so, then why do we make it out to be something bigger and more important than it is?
In closing, I again want to reiterate that I do not mean to cause offense. I hope that something I have said will help us all see more clearly about these deeply sensitive issues. I pray that even as these lies become ever more prevalent in the world that we will guard our homes, our children and our lives from them. I sincerely hope that we can stop seeking value or confidence in superficial ways and start seeking it from its proper source. As I look to the future, I want my daughter to know where exactly her worth comes from. I don't want her to feel badly because Hollywood told her that she was too fat, or too skinny, or too short or too tall or that her nose is the wrong shape or her freckles in the wrong place. I don't want her to feel ashamed of stretch marks gained from bearing my grandchildren. I also don't want my son to ignore a woman's personality or intellect because he is so focused on her body. I don't want to see him objectify the mother of his children in a way that makes her less than what she truly is in his mind. This can only be accomplished if they know exactly who they are and where their value comes from. When Satan tempted Moses, the first thing he did was cast doubt upon Moses' eternal parentage. He said "Moses, son of man, worship me." He is saying now, "young women, daughters of man worship me through the worship of Hollywood and your bodies." The only protection comes from Moses' response "Who art thou? For behold, I am a son of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten; and where is thy glory that I should worship thee?" We are sons and daughters of God and there is no glory in worshipping the world. We are in the similitude of Christ. We should seek to act like it. In so doing I know that He will bless and sustain us and allow us more peace and happiness.
