To Love as He Loves

Disclaimer: This is an LDS post meant for an LDS audience.  While I welcome all to read and consider the thoughts contained in this post, without the framework of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, it may not be as clear as it otherwise would be.  Also, this is my own opinion and not necessarily the doctrine of the church.

Lately Gabby and I have been trying to cut down on how much we judge other people.  As we started to work on this bad habit, we realized how much we did it.  We judged people for their looks, we judged them for their lifestyles, we judged them for their dress or house or car and a host of other superficial and ridiculous things.  Unfortunately, I don't think that we are alone in this habit and so if any of you struggle with this horrible habit, I will offer one suggestion: think about how God feels about the person you are judging.  It is important to note that judgement doesn't have to be out loud.  Most judging occurs in the mind and never turns into gossip or contention.  It is my firm belief that the judging that is done in the mind and heart is just as destructive as that which is spoken.  This judging causes us to see people as objects to be exploited, manipulated, ignored or discarded rather than as people and fellow children of God to be loved, helped, served, listened to and again loved.*  This destructive world view is ravaging homes, wards, communities and nations as people see others as objects rather than as people.

So, back to my suggestion... think about how God feels about the person you are judging.  Jesus Christ, the one Man who has ever perfectly emulated God, asked for forgiveness for the men who nailed Him to a cross.  He bless and ministered to anyone who had a need, and more importantly He didn't have a need to be praised and recognized for it.  He didn't pick only the most public incidents.  He served everyone who needed Him and served them in the way they needed Him to, not in the way that He wanted to, or was willing to.  His life, culminating in the great Atonement, was one great big service project.  Indeed, His one and only motivation in His incredible, glorified, sinless life was His perfect love.

And yet, he scorned and rebuked the Pharisees and Scribes.  He drove money changers from the temple with a whip.  He refused to speak to Herod, and called Peter "satan."  So lest anyone think that to love means that one has to be a spineless weakling misunderstands what love is.  Imagine if you see someone, a friend or a family member, sleep walking towards the edge of a high cliff.  Now you might say to yourself (in fact I have said similar things to this in my mind), "Now, that person looks peaceful.  They might be having a good dream.  I would hate to wake them and ruin everything," or "He/she might be mad if I wake him up.  I should let him keep sleeping to avoid a confrontation.  After all didn't Jesus say 'blessed are the peacemakers?'   I better just let him alone."  Now, those things might be true in different circumstances, but consider what is more loving, to let the person walk off the cliff or to yell at, shake or even slap him/her awake?  Now, just to be clear, loving like the Savior does not necessarily mean calling people satan or whipping people who are violating sacred ground, He and He alone had the ability to know what was best for every individual He came in contact with.  He always knew what was best for their eternal souls.  We lack that foresight.  However, there are many circumstances where, guided by the spirit, we can and must yell at, shake or even slap (please don't actually physically assault anyone) someone we love awake out of love.  There may be times when being a "peacemaker" is not done out of love but out of a selfish desire to avoid conflict.  To love like He loves simply means to do what we know to be the eternally best thing for others no matter the cost to ourselves or even the short term cost for them.  Love is much more than an emotion.  Like faith, it is a principle of action and it is rarely convenient or gratifying to our pride.

So... why is it so incredibly hard to love?  Why do we judge?  Why do we fight when we should withdraw and why do we withdraw when we should stand and fight?  Why do we intentionally hurt those we care most about and why do we fail to respond to their needs?  More importantly, why doesn't He do these things?  What does He do or know that we don't?

Now, this is my opinion, but it rings true to me.  I feel like the reason that He can love perfectly is because he knows us all perfectly.  It comes down to the idea of expectations.  Have you ever noticed that when you get angry at someone, it is all about how "he/she should be acting ___ way."  I never get angry when my 6 month old whines, but it takes self control to not yell at my 2 year old.  Why?  Because I know that she is incapable of behaving better, but I've seen him when he is not whining.  When someone tells a tall tale who I know is mentally handicapped, I laugh and enjoy his/her creativity.  When someone I know has all their mental faculties and lies to me I get annoyed and angry.  Why?  I get angry when someone doesn't meet the expectations that I have for them.

I believe that God can love Peter and Hitler the same because He knows their potential.  His expectations for them are rooted in the reality of who they are.  He knows them perfectly and so knows where they are going and what they are capable of being.  Now don't take this the wrong way, each of us has the "potential" to be perfected and be like our Heavenly Father.  However, some of us are more willing to listen to our pride and some of us are more willing to listen to the enticings of the Spirit.  Some of us make poor choices and become addicted and lose future choices.  Some of us willfully rebel against our Maker and some of us ignorantly make mistakes.  And most of us do all these things to some extent and some time in our lives.  But like I said, we all are born with the ability to become like God, but throughout our lives we choose different paths.  God knows us all so well that He knows what we will choose in every given circumstance we face.  Just as a parent can watch a willful and rebellious son and predict how that son will end up without actually causing the son to get there, so God can watch us without "making" us do or be anything.  But because He knows us, He knows what we will do.  That is why He can love without restraint and without hesitation.  We may hold each other to certain outside standards, but He holds us to only two standards, our own, and Christ's.  He can love us because he "expects" us to do exactly what we do because his expectations for us are perfect.

So... what?  I think that we can look at others and see them as He sees them.  We can look at our expectations for people and how they are rooted in incomplete information or our own pride and not in their capabilities.  If we can eliminate these false expectations, I think we can begin to love as He loves.  We can reach out to serve or rebuke those we are supposed to love.  And we can serve or rebuke them for them and not for us.  We can forgive ourselves and try again after we fall.  God knew we would sin before we did.  Why do we beat ourselves up?  Because our expectations even for ourselves are rooted in incomplete information about ourselves.  So the next time you see that person walking down the street and start to judge, or see that facebook status that just irks you, maybe we can take a hard long look at our expectations for them.  Maybe we can pray to have Him show us how He sees others.  Maybe we can do those things that are uncomfortable or hard when the occasion arises.  To be like Him, we must do these things.  Nothing else we do or develop will matter in the long run if when the Savior asks us "did you love your brothers and sisters?" or "did you feed My sheep?" we have to answer to no.  If He asks "did you follow Me?" we will only be able to answer yes, if everything we do is motivated out of love like everything He did was.  The world desperately needs this love.  Our families desperately need it first.  Gabby and I will keep working on it and I hope everyone who reads this will too.