Our Life is Flying by...

So much has happened this past year.  Chris just finished his second year at BYU.  Only two more to go!  He is taking spring and summer classes so it will be pretty busy the rest of this year.  It will also be our two year anniversary in a month.  It has also been 3 years that I have been baptized into this amazing gospel.  I am so happy that I was able to become part of this amazing church and be sealed to my family forever.  But our biggest news is that our little stud is one years old now!  I can't believe how much he has grown and that he actually was able to fit in my stomach at one time.  During this year he has learned so much!  His new favorite thing to do is play "patty cake."  We kept teaching him everyday but after a couple of weeks, he finally got it down. He still cannot walk!  He is just perfectly fine and content getting to things by crawling I guess.  He loves being sneaky and getting into things he shouldn't.  He always gives this little evil smirk every time we look over at him being naughty.  It's SO cute! He also has MANY nicknames which include fatty, face, fatso, tinker, zoom, and nutso.  I know he will be the greatest big brother whenever we have another baby. I think the biggest thing that has changed in him has been his looks!  He looks like a COMPLETELY different baby.  Here are some pictures from when he was born to now!

1 week old

2 weeks old

1 month old

2 months old

3 months old

4 months old

5 months old

6 months old

7 months old

8 months old

10 months old

 One years old

Now!

Shadows and Perfection

"Pretty pretty please don't you ever ever feel like you're... less than perfect." Song by Pink

I heard this song on the radio the other day and it got me thinking (I know: dangerous). This song simply vocalizes what the world would tell all of us about ourselves. The song talks about how we are perfect no matter what we do or what we become. In essence, whatever seems to feel right to you should be perfect to the rest of us.

Now before I go any further I would like to say something about judging. It has always been fascinating to me that of all of the people that Christ was around while he was alive, the ones who he condemned the most were the Pharisees. The Pharisees were a group of ultra religious Jews who were obsessed with keeping the commandments. Well, they were obsessed with keeping their version of the commandments. Unfortunately they were more obsessed with watching others to make sure they also obeyed the commandments. It was this self righteousness that was condemned by the Savior, who associated with thieves and prostitutes and dishonest businessmen. This group eventually was responsible for Jesus' death, because His gospel did not fall under their interpretation of the commandments. His rebukes of them were biting and forceful. When all of this is considered, we need to be very careful that we don't also fall victim to this self righteousness and hypocrisy. In fact these can be the most damning sins because they keep us from looking at ourselves and repenting. A prostitute or drug addict will never look at their lives and say to themselves "I'm doing a great job, and I don't have a need to change." They may lack the self discipline or the motivation to change, but they would never tell themselves that change is not needed. When we become self righteous, we don't look inward for faults, we look at everyone else which keeps us from drawing closer to God through repentance.

Keeping that in mind, I return to the song that got me thinking. There is born in each of us a divine discontent that senses what we could be and so doesn't allow us to settle for what we are. The world would try to stifle that voice. "Don't worry, you don't have to try to be better, you're perfect the way you are." At no point did Jesus ever say to ANYONE that they were "good enough." He was constantly trying to motivate them and lift them higher than what they otherwise could have been. That is what His sacrifice was all about. There would have been no need for Him to suffer and die if the way we are was good enough.

Let me digress again to say that this divine discontent is not hopelessness or feelings of inadequacy. The fact that we are not "good enough" is something to rejoice in, rather than be depressed over. God who knows everything wants us to become more than we are, which means He know that we can become more. He expects more from us because He knows our potential. In fact feeling hopeless is the last thing He wants from us. When we take it upon ourselves to limit ourselves or despair in our failings, we deny the atonement. Who are we to tell God who we can or can't become? Who are we to say to the Lord of the universe who created us and knows us perfectly, "Oh I know that you want me to be better, but I just can't be that good or powerful or righteous. I better stay the way I am. Thanks for suffering everything for me Jesus, but I'd rather live far beneath my potential." Can any of us imagine saying that to Him? But in effect when we give up, or despair, that's what we are doing.

The secret to all of this is that it is He who will point out where we need to improve. He will tell us what we need to change. And He knows our capacities and our strengths and weaknesses. But the secret to hearing His voice is to be humble enough to listen. His voice can come through the rantings of an angry family member, or from the quiet, gentle urgings of a church authority. It can come from our own guilt or from the slandering of our greatest enemy. But wherever it comes from, we can open our ears and our hearts and feel the stirrings that will inform us what it is we need to change and to improve upon. And then we must immediately act on those promptings.

Today I was walking with my son. He exercised his legs and thereby strengthened the muscles that will carry him through his childhood of play and laughter and owies. He was able to coordinate the feet that will carry him through adolescence with its trials and awkwardness and through a mission with its growth and accomplishment. Those legs will tremble slightly as he marries a worthy young lady and will stand strong in support and defense of that family. His legs have a long way to go, but he already has them, and all he needs to do is improve what he already has.

As we were walking, the sun was setting behind us and it cast our shadows across the pavement. His was so tiny compared to mine, but it was the same shape. He had a head, and two arms and two legs. But he is not my size yet, and it will take a lot of growth for him to get there, but he can get there. The best thing about the pair of shadows was that his hand was in mine and so our shadows were connected. He needed my hand for balance and support and through that union I could lend my strength to him. But sometimes he would get tired and give up and let go of my hand and sink to the ground. He wanted to crawl because that is more comfortable to him. He can't know what greater freedom walking will bring to him. He can't understand that running and kicking a ball are in his future. He doesn't know and so holding my hand seems hard to him. Of all the things that God could have us call him, He has asked us to call Him Father. He has a hand just like mine and it reaches down to each of us. We can draw strength from it as He pulls us along and gives us balance and support. But we can't be content to crawl. We have to reach up and grab His hand. I hope that we can do that. And I hope that we never ever feel that we're perfect. At least not yet.