Threats to Our Families

I want to begin by saying that this post represents my own opinions and is not the official position or doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  Because I have no ecclesiastical authority, what I say should be understood as advice from a friend rather than preaching from a pulpit.  I also want to add the disclaimer that my assumptions are based off of my observation of people and cultural trends and is not based on any empirical research.

In Revelation 3:15-16, the Savior speaking to the Laodicean members of the church said, "I would thou wert cold or hot; so then because thou art lukewarm I will spue thee out of my mouth."  I have heard this fence sitting described as trying to live in Zion but keep a summer home in Babylon.  When the Savior was on the Earth, He discouraged half hearted followers.  At a certain point He taught doctrine that was "a hard saying," and His followers murmured and said "who can hear it [the hard saying]?"  When this murmuring became apparent, the Savior could have chosen to back off, He could have relaxed a little and softened His words.  Instead He asked "doth this offend you?"  Then He told them that if they were murmuring they were not listening to the spirit because "the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit and they are life."  The Savior could not relax, He could not back down because His words were the way to eternal life.  If there were an easier way He would have offered it, but there isn't.  This confrontation caused many of his disciples to "walk no more with him."  However, those who stayed understood more fully who He was, and who they were because of it.  Jesus asked these devoted followers if they would also leave and Peter answered for them and said "to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life."  There will always be those who are offended at the truth, but that doesn't mean that we should relax it or soften it in order to accommodate them.  The strength that the apostles gained from hearing and following truth was worth the sacrifice of the lukewarm followers.  Therefore, we should never be afraid to speak the truth even when there are those who may be offended.  The strength that we and others who are willing to hearken to the spirit will get from the truth outweighs the offense that may be received.  My purpose in writing this post is to help us to choose sides.  I feel that the time is fast approaching when choosing sides will be irrelevant because the damage will have already been done.

In the first battle of the Civil War, The First Battle of Bull Run, many civilians came out with picnic baskets and blankets to watch as the Union soldiers beat up the rebels and end the little insurrection that would become the Civil War.  The Union soldiers would have won had it not been for a large group of confederate reinforcements that pushed back the Union lines back and turned it into a rout.  Many civilians who came to watch the battle also fled in panic with the Union soldiers and were killed along side them.  Had the North won that battle, the Civil War could have been over before it began and would not have been the tragedy that it was.  My point in bringing up this particular battle is that there could have been massive Union reinforcements to match the Confederates.  Imagine if all of the civilians who showed up with picnic baskets had shown up with rifles.  In the battle for the souls of men, we cannot afford to be civilians.  If we choose to sit on the sidelines and watch the battle, we will suffer the same consequences as those who we fail to support.  We cannot avoid these consequences just by avoiding involvement or confrontation.  As the popular hymn says "who's on the Lord's side who?  Now is the time to show.  We ask it fearlessly, who's on the Lord's side who?"  The parable of the wheat and the tares is also instructive.  While we are not entirely sure what a "tare" is, most biblical scholars believe that it is a weed that is common in the middle east that looks almost identical to wheat but does not bear fruit.  So we may ask ourselves "am I a tare? Do I look like a Christian and sound like a Christian but inwardly wish that Christ would agree with the world so that I wouldn't have to choose?  Do I wish that Christ would agree with ME so that I wouldn't have to change?"  The battle lines have been drawn.  Who's on the Lord's side?

This battle rages in our Universities and in the media, but the front lines are in our own homes.  There are two areas in particular where I see members of Christ's church choosing the world's side.  These two areas are the gay marriage debate and extreme feminism.  First, I want to speak in defense of some of the sentiments that lead to these choices.  The support of gay marriage comes from one of two places.  The first is a libertarian (not the political party, but the mindset aka libertarianism vs. authoritarianism) that places consequences on individuals and in essence says "do what you will as long as I am not affected," or "live and let live." Christ teaches independence and personal responsibility and so this sentiment comes from the right place.  The other place where this support comes from the misunderstanding of the commandment to love our neighbors.  Those who follow this line of thinking feel that if they were to deny the "right" of marriage to homosexual couples, those people might feel bad.  They then feel that if they are causing another person to feel bad that they are not loving him/her.  Companion to this train of thought is the idea of respect.  If we love somebody then we should respect him/her.  Their definition of respect is to set every belief system equal to each other.  No beliefs are better or worse, and to say that one lifestyle or belief system is better is to be disrespectful of everyone else.  This sentiment also comes from the right place.  I will return to the gay marriage debate, but first I want to focus on what I call extreme feminism.

The major source of extreme feminism comes from the desire for equality.  This is also a very good sentiment.  However, to be equal does not mean to be cloned or to be the same.  When Jefferson penned the words "all men are created equal" he did not mean equality in the way that Marx meant it.  Equality means an equal chance to improve oneself and one's station.  It does not mean that everyone should have the same jobs and responsibilities.  Before The Family: A Proclamation To the World states "fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners," it clearly defines roles and responsibilities.  It says that men are to preside over their homes with the huge qualifier "in love and righteousness," and are to provide and for and protect their families and that women are primarily responsible for the nurture of children.  Now let me talk about the amazing changes that the feminist movement has helped bring about.  Nowhere does the proclamation say that women are primarily responsible for cooking and cleaning and that men are responsible for sitting on the couch watching TV while their wives cook and clean.  Nowhere does it say that fathers are primarily responsible for ignoring their children when they are home leaving women to feel overwhelmed by the enormous task of raising children essentially alone.  Feminism has shown that men can do dishes, much to our disappointment and the rejoicing of our wives.  I personally believe that the emancipation of women has been for the most part an amazing thing.

Since I have such a high regard for the changes and the re definition of some gender roles as a result of the feminist movement, I have labeled the destructive and dangerous feminism as extreme feminism.  Extreme feminism is that movement that seeks to displace motherhood as an honorable career choice.  Extreme feminism would destroy the distinctions between masculine and feminine traits.  It would not stop at equality but seek to enthrone women in the oppressive chairs that men once sat in.  It would reduce manhood to nothing more than pathetic imbeciles that are little more than pets to the women they serve (see any sitcom since the Brady Bunch).  Extreme feminism would eventually do away with marriage as an annoying inconvenience.  Birth control and abortion are the hallmarks of extreme feminism.  A world where a woman has complete control of her body and can transgress the laws of God with no consequence.

Extreme feminism is making headway.  Unwed mothers are no longer encouraged to form family units by being married.  Indeed single mothers are praised for their strength and independence.  This is not altogether bad because many women become single mothers through no fault of their own because of abusive or destructive husbands or because of the death of spouses.  However, the growing trend of single mothers does not come from those circumstances so much as women (and men) getting divorces for trivial reasons and women becoming pregnant out of wedlock.  Sometimes social pressure is a good thing when it discourages practices that are destructive for children.  Ostracizing women for becoming pregnant out of wedlock is now rightly considered wrong.  Unfortunately accepting and encouraging women who become pregnant out of wedlock has done far more damage than the shunning that they used to receive.  Extreme feminism is also making headway among those who are married.  It is becoming so much more common for women to seek employment outside the home.  When they do so they are putting their primary responsibility of nurturing their children lower on the priority list.  I have heard many women say, "I can't go to this event or that game or be there for my kids after school because I have to work."  I have seldom heard, "I can't go to this meeting or complete this project because I have to spend time nurturing my kids."  In the overwhelming majority of cases when a woman starts to work, her boss takes precedence over her kids.  Family obligations are seen as flexible, work hours and deadlines are not.  Men face the same predicament, but then their primary responsibility is to provide for their families.  When both women and men work, their bank accounts win, but their children lose.  We need to choose between bigger homes and nicer cars and our children's future.  Women need to return to their homes to be with their children, not their dishes and laundry but their children.  Men need to facilitate that.  The most amazing blessing that my family has ever received is when my wife failed to get a job when we were newly married.  I wanted her to work to help support me through school.  When she didn't get a job we were forced to live on what I made alone.  Because of that, when we had our son, we didn't have to worry about paying our bills when we lost her income.  Husbands and wives need to establish their lives so that mothers don't "have" to work.  That is how we choose sides.  We ignore what the world says and return mothers to their children.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if day cares went out of business?  That is my idea of a perfect world.

Now I want to return to gay marriage.  Heavenly Father's plan is about helping us to become perfect.  It is about helping us be like Him.  This desire to improve us and change us trumps the lesser values of respect and tolerance.  God is love.  If God, who is love, flooded the Earth to accomplish His purposes, maybe our definition of "love" as making nobody feel bad needs to be revised.  Jesus Christ, our perfect example of love called one of His closest friends satan, called a woman a dog, called pharisees hypocrites, blind and children of Hell, and then suffered and died so that we could all be very different than we are now.  While the desire to love that leads us to support gay marriage is good, the love that we should be seeking is very different from the watered down version the world would give us.  Pure love is unselfish.  Pure love cannot be content with allowing someone to feel good about sinning when they are throwing away eternal happiness.  Gender is an essential element to "pre-mortal, mortal and post-mortal existence" and cannot be changed just because it is inconvenient.  I have never experienced same gender attraction and so cannot even hope to judge or even understand what those people are going through as they search for acceptance and love.  We can love and accept them as children of God, but that does not mean that we stop calling sins sins (it is important to note that the sin comes from acting on homosexual impulses.  Having those impulses is not a sin, but a trial that may or may not be overcome. Many people have temptations and predispositions to various sins, but do not sin unless they act on them.  My heart goes out to those who do not sin and have to deal with this issue.).

In an effort to call evil good, some people are calling for the recognition of gay marriage by governments.  There are many reasons to oppose gay marriage (see http://blog.speakupmovement.org/university/uncategorized/i-was-wrong-about-marriage/), but really the main reason to oppose it is because the Lord through His prophet has declared that He opposes it.  It is contrary to His plan.  Despite any justification that can be given by those who want to straddle the fence on this issue, the Lord has made His position quite clear.  He has also made His position clear on the role of mothers and fathers and the sanctity of the family.  We have to pick sides.  We cannot be spectators.  We stay silent so often because we are afraid of what others might say to us or about us if we stand up.  The consequences or not standing up are far worse.  Who's on the Lord's side who?  Now is the time to show.